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The First Time
December 30, 2011
The moment our eyes
met, everything changed---I
was already yours.
© Yuki M., Fort Lee, NJ
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
pandagirl312 GOLD said...
on Jun. 3 2012 at 10:53 am
I enjoy haikus and write them as well. So I know how hard it is to fit everything in as well as add some interesting word choices. :) Good job, but I would edit and spice this one up a bit.
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 16 2012 at 9:52 pm
I kinda agree with GangstaINromo. Maybe, you could use deeper words. And don't make it cliche. Other than that, this is kinda cute...
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 4:53 am
Thanks for your thoughts~
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 2 2012 at 4:34 pm
Okay, thanks it's always good to get feedback~
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:24 pm
Thank you for that. I'd like your opinion on my other work, if you wouldn't mind.
GangstaINromo said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:23 pm
Keep writing. You're obviously talented :)
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:20 pm
Well thank you for your honesty. You are the first to comment on my work in a while, so it's good to read some feedback.
GangstaINromo said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 11:42 am
I know this is a Haiku and you don't have a lot to work with but this whole poem seems very generic. Like you could almost find this Haiku in every thirteen year old's journal. Add personality, spice it up, make it diffrent. If i wanted to read something like this i would check my little sisters FaceBook
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