To say I'm afraid of it would be glossing over

Not giving my fears enough credit

These are, unlike others, deeply founded

Grounded, even, embedded in me

I've seen too much

No desire to even touch the forbidden

My forbidden is not a mere kiss

Or to let my precious gift go

It's more like a promise I made to myself

No vows, no signing myself away

Somehow, now, things are starting to change

Someone has me thinking this way

I see marriage as a prison

I've seen my mother locked in it, abused,

Unable to break loose

Bail a greater price than one can pay

Until I met someone who didn't need a key

To unlock my heart and hold it completely

Alas, and alack, he wants to marry me

A thudding in my chest

I've always been terrified of this

I know he'll never hurt me

Still the images of the past, continue to haunt

Continue to block me from considering another option

A thudding in my chest

But I'm still dreaming of a white, wedding dress