I don't know how you managed to squeeze your way into my head; my heart. I thought I didn't want/need anyone...but you--I want you right beside me constantly. It drives me crazy that we can never catch a moment alone, in person. I don't want to read your expressions through a screen. Face-to-face; your a beautiful sight. How do you manage to put butterflies in my stomach, and release them only when you're close by? Why am I so quiet when I'm finally with you? I've got questions burning through my mind that I want to ask; a scorching haze of curiosities that burn my very being.....then melt when you look into my eyes. What have you done to me? I'm no longer able to distinguish my own feelings, emotions, reality. I've always been selfish, but I want you all to myself more than anything. I want your full attention -- your eyes, your head, your heart -- focused on me. I want to hang on every word you speak, I want to laugh together, I want to cry while you wipe my tears, I want to watch as we take down our walls and open up to each other, I want to feel your fingers intertwine with mine for the very first time--savor every moment. I want you to look into my eyes and not say anything, just rock me with your stare. I knew I couldn't ever fall in love because I don't let myself feel anything. When the feelings do shove their way through my walls; they roll, crash, careen, bombard their way into my heart and drill holes to claim their permanent residence within. I know that when I feel, I feel so deeply; and love would strike me a million times deeper than anything else. I refuse to naively call this love, but it's heightening sentiment is beginning to tear it's way into my heart. If this isn't love, how can I not be terrified of love's true form? Love's power when/if it comes may be the death of me--this is barely infatuation and I've already lost myself within it. My feelings both exemplify and betray me. How can I even know if this is real? Am I obsessed with the IDEA of a relationship, or have you begun tearing into my heart after all? How can I ever tell....

Do you even think of me?
Am I even a fraction of your heart's thoughts, your being?
Have I become a brush off the shoulder?
Shoved aside, and dubbed a "tease."
Do you want me with you?
Or just to leave you alone?
Does the mention of my name bring a warm familiarity?
Or a cold hatred,
Anger;
Fueled by my steady silence?

How can I ever tell?

Your so cool, and I am charred. You're collected; I'm a mess. Your poker face adds confusion to my open expressions...
How can I ever tell?