I’m so tired of hearing my mom crying all the time, I just need a break. Looking at these trees flowing freely as I walk down the sidewalk of my neighborhood. Everything is so quiet and peaceful, unlike my home which is filled with shouts of sorrow and hate. The colors of the sun setting so warm and loving that you can cuddle them, unlike my home so cold and alone. The laughs of children playing, pounding in your ears, unlike my home where all you hear is your heart pounding with emotions you promised not to let out. I used to cry all the time when I would hear these moments of darkness enveloping my home, but not anymore.

Two weeks ago, my parents were having a go at it again, arguing more and more, screaming at the top of their lungs. I don’t pay attention anymore like I used to, now I just keep my brother safe from such a horrible reality. Inside my heart I knew this time was different, my parents won’t stop tonight, we may not get any sleep. But later on my brother fell asleep while I was singing him a song:

The birds in the sky, flying so free

Sharing the love, we cherish so dearly
My mother and father looking in my eyes

Telling us the dreams of love as many stars in the sky
Even the moon and the sun

Sing to us to sleep, and knowing the next day will be filled with fun
I know my day will be filled with joy, love

No more pushing and shoving
We will be like the birds
The birds in the sky, flying so free
Sharing the love, we cherish so dearly

After my brother fell asleep, I peeked in through the hole in the wall to watch my parents, and something I thought I would never see, was my dad leaving with a suitcase in hand. My mother was crying for him not to leave, but my father would not hear it. He left without saying a word, no goodbye, no I love you, nothing.

Days passed without hearing a word from my father. My mother would just stay in her room all day, just crying and crying. Days passed just like these, until my mother suddenly came home drunk, and for the first time I saw her like a monster, someone I wished I never knew. Days would continue like this. I would make sure to hide this from my brother but I couldn’t hide it from myself. I grew cold- emotionless. Life became gray.

Today was it. I had enough of my mother behaving like a child. I had to grow up, when I was still a child. My brother was at soccer practice, and I, I was letting myself go. I’m actually letting go after this whole time of suffering. Why can I not be like the bird in the song, flying freely? Why can I not join in the laughter of the children? Why can I not cuddle in my home, with the love and care I should know of? Why can I not be free of the chains in my chest holding me back? Why can I not have two loving parents? Why can I not be who I wished to be? I can, and I will. I will join in the laughter of the children. I will be be warm in my home. I have worked so hard in keeping my life hidden, now I will just live what I have, but not with sorrow, but with love and care. I will be free.