Ongoing War
No one prepared me
No one told me how hard life could be
The constant battle
I would need to fight
The heartache that I am still feeling

My heart today
Is something I no longer want
For it has wounds that have been open for forever now
They don’t seem to be closing anytime soon
Just another reminder of the past
The thing that keeps returning like a forgotten boomerang
Only to hit me and knock me down

I would hide behind the teacher’s legs
Thinking they would shield me from those words of hurt
But each word always seemed to make its way around
Slapping my tear-stained cheeks
And puncturing my heart
I wouldn’t do anything
For I knew wherever I went
Those words followed not too far behind
Becoming my shadow

I would stay inside during recess
For outside was a minefield
Always having fear of being blown sky high
And plunging to the ground with a thud

I would eat lunch alone
Surrounded by groups of children
Who found pleasure
Staring
Laughing
Calling others names
Making them question themselves and what they did

I would come up with excuses to get out of school
No need trying to ask for help
When knowing
It would be for nothing
It never made any difference

I grew
So did the pain
Of the insults and actions
I would walk in hallways
Hugging my books close
My thick curls covering my face like a curtain
Trying to make myself hidden
But I would always be spot
Saw it coming too
Like a wounded deer giving up to a hunter
I waited for them to pull the trigger

I would walk in the hallways
While being called names
Stupid
Freak
Pathetic
Everyday
I would tell myself
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words could never hurt me
The more I said it
The more I realized what a big lie it was
Sticks and stones may break my bones yes
But words
They would rip my soul
The one thing that I thought would never get hurt
But to this day
It receives a blow after painful blow
Leaving it black and blue

I would sit at the empty corner of myself
Trying to clean my wounds
I would ask at times
Why stitch my wounds
When they will just reopen
Soon
I started to add to my scars
I still do
It was word after hated word
A scar after an old scar
I felt as if my heart was ripped out
And set on fire to burn in everlasting agony
I wanted the pain to go away
I wasn’t doing anything but adding to it

I didn’t want anything to do with life
I wished that I could jump
That I could jump in the ocean of my tears
And make its bottom my home
Each tear that splashed
Made a wave that called my name
I didn’t know
That I have already jumped

Now
I was fighting
Trying to swim to the surface
To take in some air
But the sea weed would grab me
Pulling me deeper
Forbidding me to breathe
To take in that fresh clean air that my lungs begged for
I was suffocating
I kept fighting
I didn’t want to feel this way
I wanted to feel
Joy
Happiness
Love
All I felt
Was my heart swell up with sadness
Just wanting to burst and be done with

I wasn’t the only one who was made to feel this way
There’s a whole army of us
Everyday
At war
Bombs falling out of the sky
Hearing the buzzing of air crafts near by
Crawling our way to safety
There wasn’t a day
When we wouldn’t get shot
Some took the pain
Some screamed until our throats went raw
Some laid in silence

How many more
Are going to lay in silence
Before we see
This Ongoing War
Is really happening
How many more tears will be shed
Until someone sees us

Even though it doesn’t seem like it
I have a feeling that one day
We will rise
We will rise
And clean the dirt off ourselves
There will be clear blue skies
No bombs will fall
And we will be able to say
We made it…