Envy.... | Teen Ink


July 17, 2014
By Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER, Los Angeles, California
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER, Los Angeles, California
7 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You May Encounter Many Defeats But You Must Not Be Defeated" By- Dr. Maya Angelou

I sit in the dark and listen to the sound of laughter and joy but more importantly I hear the LOVE they have with each other. As I peek through the crack of the door I see the protectiveness and LOVE that mother has for her children. As I silently watch, I can’t help but wonder.
Why doesn’t my mother hold me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother laugh with me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother talk to me with care in her voice?
Why doesn’t my mother listen to me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother do those things?
As these questions fill my head I then become to realize I’m not wondering anymore.
I am envying…

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This article has 3 comments.

on Mar. 3 2015 at 5:37 pm
Amara-rose GOLD, Pendleton, Indiana
16 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let go and live.

very deep, i feel like im with you and want to help you, its a amazing piece one you should feel proud of and i like the formatting.

on Feb. 16 2015 at 5:01 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

Very emotional and in a nice style. I agree with WritinGirl about the formatting. I think this might read better broken up more.

on Dec. 25 2014 at 11:59 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

That brought a lot of good questions and emotions to the reader's mind. I like how you ended it, especially, with the sentence, I am envying. Nice job. :) As far as critiquing goes, my only comment would be format and flow. Now, I don't know the goal you had in mind when you wrote this, so forgive me if I am getting this wrong. I personally don't enjoy reading poems that seem more like paragraphs, but I know there are many famous ones out there in this format, so it's fine--I would have changed to line structure is all, mostly because it can flow smoother with clear places for emphasis. But all in all, great job; keep it up!