I wish my head was as empty as my heart,
because I am trapped behind my eyes
and the only exit is my mouth,
but my mind has become so warped
that even I don’t want to hear what I am saying.
Even I, primarily I, am hurt by what I am saying.
I’m sorry, I wish I was stronger,
strong enough to pick up you and me
and hold us tight together
until everything feels better,
but the only thing I’m strong enough to do
is push you away and make sure that you stay,
and it’s better this way.
Not because I’m happy because
I could never truly be happy without you,
but because at least the only one hurting me is myself. So I’m sorry,
I’m sorry that I can not survive,
can not keep myself together for us
because the only thing that hurts me more than me
is you.
I’m sorry I can’t control my mind,
or maybe it’s my heart
I’m not sure which is which anymore,
or if I have either.
I’m sorry to you,
that I can’t be all that you want me to be,
And I’m sorry to myself because
in all of this I’ve forgotten how to be...me.
I’m sorry that I can’t keep my tongue
from lashing out but know that
every pain I cause for you
is magnified a hundred times
inside of me
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry to you,
and I’m sorry to me.