losing my oxygen with every breath
im expelling more than im taking in
my heart beats erratically,
pounding into my ribcage,
only because it cant jump right out of my chest

the words swim together with every blink
blurring together as tears flood my cheeks
i told him id never lie to him
and now i tell him im okay, im fine, its okay
if only the truth could be pretty
but no, any boy who breaks up with me over text
does not deserve to see my pain,
does not deserve anything from me ever again

and now he feeds me that line,
“just friends,”
like nothings wrong,
like he didnt completely just break me,
like my world didnt just come to a crashing halt

so i say yes
because what else can i do?
and i cant take it anymore
so i slam the laptop closed,
fling the phone at the wall,
pointedly ignore the ipad

its like
the past month didnt matter
i didnt just waste a part of my life
falling in love with him
i didnt just throw it all away,
hos over bros, chicks over d---s

all i am now
is spiraling
out of control
out of my own reach