Snip, it’s the moment I realized everything goes downhill
When what I was told was “Never gonna happen”
Did.
When one look gave me all the information I needed.
With a turn of the head, all of my worst fears were confirmed.

Snip, it’s when your Father, the only solid pillar left,
Comes crumbling down in a wash of tears
Held back emotion
Pain
Agony
Despair
Anguish
The empty bottle
Vowed never to be opened
Lay smashed on the the stern of a ship on it’s maiden voyage
A voyage into the unknown
Into the darkness
Into what we had all learnt was a road with an abrupt end

Snip, when you and I were little, media taught us that if you had it, you would be gone soon enough
Bald heads?Pale faces
Weak expressions
All awaiting their vessel to take them away.
So what was I supposed to think?
Be mature, adult, responsible, reasonable, responsive, supportive, loving.
15 and already playing truth or dare with myself in my rapidly expanding head.
I didn’t want my life to be flipped like the coin that I so often used to decide my mundane life decisions
No
One day at school turned into every depressing novel, movie, soap opera, magazine article’s main story.

Snip, I can’t tell you how many times I paced, rocked and shivered at the thought
Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Days
Nights
Weeks
Weeks were spent
Scars built up, one for every incision.
They told me level three, but all I heard were
screams.
Why is it that we can look so fine but our insides feel as if they’ve been spun a million times
Catapulted into space
Shook upside down
and then spat back out only for you to repeat the entire process the next day.

Snip, so everyone has a different response
Like, oh, I’m sorry
sorry for what?
It’s not your fault
well of course it isn’t.
She’ll get better
how can you know
She’ll be fine
don’t. you. dare.
Unless you’re a doctor or a bloody scientist then I don’t want to hear it.
Why do you think Doctors aren’t allowed to make promises?
because sometimes,
they just can’t keep them.

Snip, for every strand lying on the floor
For every scarf worn
For every situation
For every sideways glance
For every mean comment
For every slither of negativity that pushed her down, kicked dirt in her face and threw rocks at her head
I’ve tried to stay strong
I tried to stay strong
I’m trying to stay
strong

Because for her, those snips don’t matter.
Those snips only prove how strong she is
The wall she built to fight
The catapult for flight
Her strong exterior
Her stronger interior
Yes, this will keep kicking her
Yes, it will hurt
but inside, however weak she gets
I know that cancer will never
get the best of my mum.