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Electric Currents

January 28, 2014
By PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
More by this author
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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One with slashes on her wrists. Another with murder in her thoughts. Neither took another look at each other, not since the first time. Accidental, but it meant something greater. It's like they were born to be one, and it seems so real. Another slash, another step towards what the other wants. And she is not patient. She is not broken. She, is not stepping away. And hasn't she learned her lesson? Of course she hasn't. She will kill again and again. The other, she will make as many swift movements as she can. Until she feels weak, tired, and her eyes feel... dark. Black curtains cascade over her sight and she is finally finished. The other one just needs more few steps into a greater cause, and what a sight it is. She finally feels angry, not towards anyone... But herself. She could've helped, she could've saved her. But maybe this was a sign, that she should've saved herself.

© Steve S., Marblehead, MA

The author's comments:

Feb. 6th, 2016: After coming back to this piece after almost two years, I feel like this mis-represents me. It's a good piece of mine, a lot of people seem to like it, but I don't think it represents me at all. Maybe back then, but not anymore.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 14 comments.

PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 15 2014 at 11:47 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you so much! XOXO
wordtea GOLD said...
on Feb. 15 2014 at 2:55 am
wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
14 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;All men shall die.&#039;- A Clash of Kings<br /> &#039;We accept the love we think we deserve.&#039;- The Perks of Being a Wallflower<br /> &#039;Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.&#039;- The Book Thief

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I love the darkness and the mysteriousness of this poem. Awesome!
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 9 2014 at 12:20 am
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you so much! :D
Canadotas PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 8 2014 at 9:23 am
Canadotas PLATINUM, Harrisonburg, Virginia
24 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it.&rdquo; --Albert Einstein

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I liked it. It was very mysterious, and the last line was a great way to close it. Nicely done
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 6 2014 at 10:32 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you for your feedback! :D  
TopHatCactus BRONZE said...
on Feb. 6 2014 at 10:07 pm
TopHatCactus BRONZE, League City, Texas
4 articles 1 photo 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature.<br /> Ernest Hemingway

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Same here, bur well writen none the less! Great job!
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 2:32 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you for your feedback! And I was trying to paint a picture and using "swift movements" was suggesting the type of wounds she was creating. If you've ever read a "self-harm" article or a book about someone commiting self-harm, usually most will use the words "swift movement". But thank you! :D
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 2:24 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you! :D
Alycia. BRONZE said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 1:54 pm
Alycia. BRONZE, Lower Gwynedd, Pennsylvania
4 articles 8 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.&rdquo; -- David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

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Very dark and moody, yet brilliantly written! Well done!
JacobTheOrdinary PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 5 2014 at 11:15 am
JacobTheOrdinary PLATINUM, Rancho Cucamonga, California
43 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Fiction is the lie that tells the truth.&quot;

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I agree as well. And the line "...she will make as many swift movements as she can..." I personally don't like the way you worded that and i'd suggest to change the italiced part. Synonyms help a lot in poetry. they make you sound like you have more evolved writing.
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2014 at 10:21 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

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Thank you for your advice as well! :D And yeah, I should've distinguished the characters. I was going kind of going for them to be the same person inside, but I should've seperated them. Thanks! :D
PineWildfires SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2014 at 10:19 pm
PineWildfires SILVER, Charlestown, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man&#039;s character, give him power.&quot;<br /> -Abraham Lincoln

View profile
Thank you for your advice, and yeah maybe I should've distinguished the characters to make it sound a little clearer. I was kind of going for them being the same person inside but it would've sounded better that way. Thanks! :D
RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2014 at 7:27 am
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

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I agree with TrinityLynn about distinguishing which character is which because it did get a little bit tangled up. I did think that it was a good poem though! Great job!
TrinityLynn GOLD said...
on Feb. 3 2014 at 11:17 pm
TrinityLynn GOLD, New Bedford, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;life isn&#039;t about waiting for the storm to pass. it&#039;s about learning to dance in the rain&quot;

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I like the idea of the poem. My only advice would be to distinguish the two different characters you mention in the beginning of the poem, as the poem moves along.