Happier moments.

Alex woke to his head
Atop Robert’s shoulder.
Recalling not his drifting onto it
Carried in the arms of Robert’s words.
Robert loving him.

“Love me, Robert”.
Sailing on whispers.

I found myself in comfort
Not for dreams of kissing,
Nor dreams of living,
But lying in Robert’s bed
Right beside him.
I lifted my head from the dreams
Examining the happier universe.

I smiled, larger than my I nor
My muscles could fathom.
I fell asleep, right on his shoulder
As he read to me.
He read to me.
I fell asleep, yes,
And he must have too.
Because now he lie beside me.
Inhaling like the tide.

I lifted my self to see him better.
My elbow levitating my head
How slow he was in breathing.
I felt I could see the thoughts
Cycle out of his mouth through the air around
and back in.
Absorbing the particles.
I like to think
My particles.

My hand rose,
Overtaken though, for eternities
By either the weight of sleep
Or a thousand tons of fear.
I push against with pain.
And pleasure,
Oh pleasure of his touch!
Fear manifested itself back
Into the air
Yet reformed as a shield around him
I could not touch.

I had to touch.
I must
I must.

He stirred,
He stirred and recoiled.
Fear a snake, snapping at my hand.
Do not touch him.
He is beyond you.
He is not beyond me.
He is near me.
I know his thoughts
He is begging for it.
The slight
touch
Of my quivering hand.

The snake dissolved.
I have overcome the shield!
The fear is nothing!
My hand attracted like a magnet
To the closest part of him.
I touched his neck.
My throat closed.
Sweet intoxicating suffocation!
I can touch him.
My skin
His skin.

Down to his shoulder
His arm.
His side.
Back, to his neck.
Down
To his back.
I am learning him.
Loving him.
This, this is all I know.
To touch Robert.
To know him.
To love him.

Robert shivered
At the touch of Alex's hand
Stroking the fine hairs of his neck.
Fear returned.
He came back.
Damn him.
A man behind Alex.

Robert moved again.
Closer to Alex came his face
His torso sought to face him more.
But unaware still of
The curious touch?
Unaware so Alex wants to think.

The man fear clutched the boy's
Neck.
Fight him Alex
Fight him!
Fear has not returned to control
No.
He has come to torment.

"Please, please don't hurt me.
Please don't scold me.
Robert please
I love you!
Don't hate me
Please

I can't help but love you.
Please.”

Intoxicating suffocation
No more.
Fear will clutch.
Fear will tear.
Fear will kill.

The sound of the scratching sheets
Froze Alex.

Robert turned.

The hand suspended
Cold,
For fear knows no other feeling.
Frozen
Over Robert's beautiful body

The eyes open. The eyes of morning
Welcome.
And question.

My teeth bit so hard.
I wanted my lips to bleed.
My breaths echoed in my ears
Exponential increase in sound
In pain.
My eyes closed
Just so I could hide myself.

"Alex?"

Why must he be so cute
These waking eyes
His tired mouth?

He smiled at me
As the sleepy tend to smile.

"We fell asleep."
I said.
"Did we have sex?"
My heart seized.
Did we?
"I'm just kidding.
We fell asleep together.
We didn't sleep together.

Anyway."
He held up his head
By hand and elbow.
"Good evening Alex."

I couldn't speak
I cannot speak.
Robert please.

"How's it hangin?"

Bastard.
My hand still remained suspended
Over him.

He made a joke
About him.

Why would he do that?

Robert smiled wider
Seeing the face of love.
He knows.
He knows someone loves him

Maybe I do too.

He took Alex's hand
And held it.
Still in the air.
But he held it,
Fingers laced together.

"Together"

Robert smiled more.

"Yes."

How amazing it is that
Lips can move so little.

Robert put the hand
To his heart.

I quaked at this
My heart beat like
A hurricane
Constant.
Not beating.
But I felt his heart.
His body is so warm.
So smooth.
I felt no skin.
I don't have to.

My heart.
It became something else.
I no longer felt hands around my neck.
I no longer felt my eyes squeeze.
No longer felt, my heart implode.
He beat slowly.
My heart took its hand.
He led me.
Held me.
I slept to the rhythm of his life.

Alex collapsed, head atop
Robert's chest.
He had to listen to it.
To his life.

Robert looked surprised.
He did not expect this to happen.
More happens beyond his thought,
Every minute it seems.

Now a beautiful young man is asleep on him.

Whimpering.
Robert stroked Alex's hair.
His short hair, that so many admire.
Robert doesn't fear is color.
He doesn't fear his metal.

He loves it.

And so they stayed.

Robert and Alex.

Alex and Robert.

Deeply
Tenderly
Quietly

Together.