I tried to smile
Like the first time
When he took my breath away

And I succeeded
But only for an instant
Because I heard what the other boy was saying

It was loud
It was real

It was my story
In words that were unfamiliar to me
And far too familiar to him
And I stopped smiling
And I started listening

Even though every cell in my body wanted to run
Even though I knew it was too close,
Too sickeningly close
The medication
The misunderstanding
The hurt upon hurt upon hurt

And then he talked about the loss
And it was over
Silent
Like the loss itself

And I held it together

I tried to smile
Like the first time
When I was breathlessly happy

But it came out like a sob