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Besotted Heart
November 23, 2013
Indifference cloaked my love struck heart
flouting obvious indications
denying the demons in his eyes
fearing pain of truth too severe
I allowed him to exploit my soul
© Hilary R., Woodland Hills, CA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 16 comments.
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 9 2014 at 9:56 am
Okay, go to the top where it says Forums. Scroll over it and then click on Writer's Workshop. Then down to Poetry and Lyrics. Scroll down until you see the title "Connect the Dots" by user EmmaClaire0823 and click on it. Thank you!
author_musical PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 8 2014 at 10:55 pm
I can really relate to this! It's really good for a short poem, which I find hard to write and convey emotion in. I also let a boy lie to me and I believed him for a while. This is seriously good. Love it!
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 8 2014 at 9:29 am
Thank you! I orginially was going to put another word in place of "allow" but this poem was written towards teens, and I already had used a wider vocabulary. Though, I do think I will try to find a more specific term to replace "allow."
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 8 2014 at 9:27 am
Thank you! I orginially was going to put another word in place of "allow" but this poem was written towards teens, and I already had used a wider vocabulary. Though, I do think I will try to find a more specific term to replace "allow."
EmmaClaire0823 GOLD said...
on Jan. 8 2014 at 9:25 am
Thank you, that means a lot. I am just freaking out, because I am applying for a Fine Arts school for creative writing. I honestly don't think I am good enough to get in, but of course I am going to try. And of course I will look at some of your work. Again, thank you. I have another poem "Connect the Dots" and it is in a forum that I just finished and it would be great if you could read that.
The diction is really admirable especially given the topic of the poem. At first I thought the poem was too short but after rereading it I realize that conciseness is fundamental to the message. A suggestion would be to use a different word rather than "allow". Great job!
You have a beautiful way with words. You say on your profile that you need help with your writing. Dear, I think you've almost mastered your unique style and poignant use of words. They are so visceral, and so powerful, that I was reminded of my own experiences. You have also mastered the difficulty of creativity, something that can't really be taught, only explored. Great job. You're a great writer, I've read through some of your work. Would you mind checking up on some of mine? I would love your feedback.
author_musical PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 9 2013 at 11:01 pm
Good poem. It makes me wonder what it is truly about. I like this one too.
feychild21 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 9 2013 at 9:35 pm
I love how your able to get such intense emotion across in a short poem. Really wonderful.
TheUniverse said...
on Dec. 9 2013 at 6:37 pm
This is really deep and to be so short at that. Truly a good piece of poetry.
gossamergirl GOLD said...
on Dec. 8 2013 at 2:34 pm
Nice job. This was really relatable. I like the descriptiveness of this piece.
sknight1 said...
on Dec. 3 2013 at 12:11 pm
Wow your stuff is great! I can so relate to this!
BreathInAndOut PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 2 2013 at 8:23 pm
I do love this!! I feel like it is talking about me.
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments
Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel