I wish I could toss a rock out into the water

and let the rippling rings spell out how I'm feeling

so my lips don't have to wrap around words that

I don't want to hear out-loud

I want my eye-lids to feel light,

not as if their carrying weights

or as if they're dams holding back oceans

I ask only that when I decide to stand up

I have somewhere to place my hands,

that feels comfortable

because like my hands,

I'm tired of always needing something to distract me

from the fact that I am doing nothing,

that I am unoccupied

I told you that my voice shook for a reason,

that I felt angry when I spoke because I saw how she was suffering

every time I said his name, every time I saw his face

I saw her reaching for a distraction while I was reaching for her

while I was reaching for the right words that would wrap around her

and squeeze her the right way, so that her eyes didn't have to be dams

I hoped that I was hallucinating,

like every sentence that you said,

was made up of thin air,

and at any time it would carry on and blow away like smoke

I guess I'll have to find out in the morning once I've woken up

whether or not it has all been a dream

and maybe, like a dream, I can lose bits and pieces of it

as I go on with my day

one moment gone by the time I make breakfast

and the rest gone by the time I open the car door

But for now, I'd like to sleep

and I hope that in the early hours of my day tomorrow,

I'll feel resolved and I'll feel comfortable with the fact that

it's all a reality, and maybe it'll finally be something

my hands can wrap around