Blackness, these memories are foreign to me.
The further back I look,
The thoughts that brought me so much happiness,
Was it a dream?
Unsure if these moments are mine or someone else’s.
Who would know?

Rickety house old and deserted.
High upon a mountain.
Home sweet home.
Burning summers, frostbitten winters.
I was young and poor,
But happiness was there

Down to the creek I would run.
In the murky waters I could see.
Through ripples and muck, the image was clear,
The reflection of what should be me.
Childlike ignorance I ran off leaving myself behind,
Little did I know that image would some day die.

Down this creak towards a cave is where some of it begins,
Where I was too young to notice, I was surrounded by sin.
Through ignorance I could smile.
Nothing could stand in my way.
Never could I have known,
Ignorance has a price to pay.

A chance to go back home, yet I refuse.
When I return to this place, it becomes strangely new.
A car in shambles,
Burnt scraps of steal scratch across my soul.
My mother now buried,
And the laughter of a new brother now unknown.

A half-demon that haunts you,
As the lashes of a stranger scar deep within.
My eyes now open,
A pain that is foreign to me,
Tears bitter sweat and never more.
I smile.

The kindness I give to you freely yet I know none returns,
Tears stream down my cheeks and it always burns.
My tormentor’s hands that used to hurt me I now hold tight.
Things like so always confused me about what was wrong and right.
And to my friends who I used to think we could never fall apart,
I keep the knifes they left in my back close to my heart.
Happiness
A twisted memory and very confusing

A nightmare to make me laugh,
With a dream to make me cry.
I look up at a stranger in front of me,
Who are you?
My reflection smiles and walks way leaving me be.
A beautiful shell.
I collapse from the burden of solitude.
An angle brings me a mirror, slightly cracked.
Was this me? I did not know
I embraced them both

A year to pass
The crack increased until the mirror shattered
The angel wept
And once more, so did I
I gave the angel my heart and it flew away
A memory to cherish
I greedily prey for more to come
You would not understand

A trip to a graveyard brings flashbacks
So peaceful
The grass grows well in such a sad place
As do I
The wanting for purpose digs deep
Searching far, I dig to deep
Then relies I was in my own grave
I climb out of my own mind and I awaken to nothingness

My mind becomes a haze and nightmares become reality,
These monsters always haut me never leaving me be.
These are not my thoughts, but nor are they another’s,
The revolution in my mind, versions of me fighting for control of each other.
No longer knowing, amazed of the fight over me
However, who am I? I just want to be free

Though I look far into the past, how do I find myself?
As if I where a puzzle that came from an abandoned shelf.
Every piece of the puzzle being the same
I put it together only to brake it again in frustrating pain
Nothing fits together anymore, what does this mean?
Am I to not know who I am? Or is that thought just another dream?
What do you know? So that is what you see?
Accept me for the way I am, The River only flows in one direction.