I went there today.
To the place
Where we started our love,
Acted out our passions, 
Consecrated our faith. 
It was also
Where it had been torn apart
And pieced back together
With hands shaking
From fear and desperation. 
Your image bleeds into my vision. 
All the pain I've kept under lock and key
Projected itself onto the walls.
Everywhere I look is another snapshot
A meeting 
A kiss
An embrace
A joining. 
They're like stains-
Mere shadows of what once was
That will never go away. 

Have you ever had someone 
So entrenched in your heart,
So rooted into the fabric of your being,
You could swear you were whole?
Someone
Who permeated your bones,
Seeped into your soul, 
Seemingly molded for your body so much
That they fit perfectly into your arms?
Your heart so clothed with their essence 
That when they went away
You realized just how naked it was?
And when they tore away,
They ripped the suture 
You had made between your hearts,
Causing your insides to fall away 
At the seams.
Your heart
Maimed,
Eviscerated,
Scarred for an eternity
So that every time you tried to love again 
The wounds would gush forth
With the feelings you had repressed,
Prompting it to rebel.
Will anything compare?
Can anything strip away the pain, 
Cover up the scars,
Or stitch back together 
What was so carelessly ripped apart? 

I thought I had left this behind.
But I had only doped myself up
On distractions
Of the flesh,
Of the material world,
Of the written word.
The only cure
Is to expunge myself of you.
But I can't dig you up,
The memories are buried too deep
And my hands too weak.
The dirt sifts through my fingers.
I can't lie.
I find solace in them 
From time to time.
A bittersweet reminder 
That once upon a time
Someone cared
And I was in love. 
My body
All at once 
Wants to exorcise itself of you
And be possessed by you. 

I don't understand 
How I can be so full of these feelings for you
And still feel empty inside. 
I think 
I excavated what was left in me
And buried it in you. 
Why is it
You can feel nothing for me
When I put so much of myself
Into you?