Gone He Shall Stay | Teen Ink

Gone He Shall Stay

May 23, 2013
By BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown


He was took away in a red prison.
He tried to fight, but the binds were to tight.

His best friend, ran after him
Once, he was gone, his friend continued on

His sister stood, silent as a rock
Tears welled up in her black rimmed eyes

The girl that had known him since he was a babe, turned her back
Not wanting to watch the fall out

His sprit will be broke
His freedom stripped

The moon is gone, taken away
And away, he will ever stay



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This article has 17 comments.


on Jun. 16 2013 at 6:34 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Yes, I have two poems, I think, and then the rest are short stories. Also, as a side note, some of my stories don't have alot of imagery for a reason. Its meant to be like that. Thanks!

Csquared GOLD said...
on Jun. 16 2013 at 9:52 am
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments
That's really cool! I'm now very interested to see your other work. Do you have other pieces?

on Jun. 15 2013 at 11:54 am
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

It just happened. I had like five minutes of free time before supper and got onto my computer and wrote it down. When I read that comment, I had to go back and look....... Thanks for pointing that out! I had a Writng/English teacher and a Reading teacher who wanted metaphors and all other parts of speech in just about everything. So I guess it just came out naturally....

Csquared GOLD said...
on Jun. 14 2013 at 10:44 pm
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments
It is a great piece of work. Did you intend on that metaphor, or did it just happen? Becasue if it "just happened" then you must be a genius. :-)

on Jun. 14 2013 at 11:10 am
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Thanks! No one has actually ever commented about my metaphors or anything in that same area.

Csquared GOLD said...
on Jun. 13 2013 at 9:53 pm
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments
I liked how you compared his sister to a rock. It is very clever because some types of rocks once had life, but no longer do because it was burned and squashed. (sedimentary rock) Plus, rocks are emotion-less. They are often cold, heavy and they sink to the bottom of a bucket of water. It was a very clever metaphor, and I thought is deserves a shout-out.

on Jun. 6 2013 at 6:33 pm
Starstruck_001, Great Neck, New York
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
ur very welcome

on Jun. 6 2013 at 3:33 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Thank you!

on Jun. 6 2013 at 7:15 am
Starstruck_001, Great Neck, New York
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
There was alot of emotion in this. That was really good. I think I'm tearing up. You have talent, and you were only a member for a really short time, and you already contributed more stuff then me! Good job!

on May. 31 2013 at 1:21 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Thank you so much!

on May. 31 2013 at 1:21 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Thank you!

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on May. 31 2013 at 11:19 am
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Wow! This poem had alot of longing and emotion in it that I could feel. Your imagery is great and I loved the way you described the sadness after he left without flat out telling the reader. Your an awesome writer! :)

sarah98 BRONZE said...
on May. 30 2013 at 6:56 pm
sarah98 BRONZE, Holyoke, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 405 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to write for yourself and have no audience than write for your audience and have no self.

o wow. this is beautiful and kinda made me tear up. :")

on May. 28 2013 at 8:59 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Thank you!

on May. 28 2013 at 6:23 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

I felt this poem had a lot of heartbreak to it.  I thought the picture you chose was a nice touch too.  It made me stop and wonder what the back story of this was so  I always enjoy when a poem makes a story. :)

PhoebeB GOLD said...
on May. 25 2013 at 8:16 pm
PhoebeB GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
-Victor Hugo

It was a good poem, and I am assuming that the langauge and the "took" in the first line were purposeful. I would just suggest that if you are going to use those kinds of tactics to convey emotion, you should have the rest of the poem around the same mood. I kind of felt like the beginning felt one way, and the rest felt a different way. Other than that, I felt that the poem was good. I can tell that you worked hard on the writing, and it has turned out spectactularly.

on May. 25 2013 at 12:50 pm
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

Great job M!! That was a great poem that expressed deep emotion and yet ended on a cliffhanger, this could very easily turn into more poems to come!! It also had stunning visual, I could imagine everything crisp and clear!!