I Miss You | Teen Ink

I Miss You

March 21, 2013
By CountryPopGirl PLATINUM, Lawrenceville, New Jersey
CountryPopGirl PLATINUM, Lawrenceville, New Jersey
38 articles 16 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly..."
-Dr. Jack Hodgins (Bones)

I woke up in my bed
Not my bed
The hospital’s
The machines all around me
Giving me fluids and monitoring me
I hated them so much
Why did the doctors torture me like this?

It had been 4 days
4 days since the accident
4 days since I was last outside
4 days since I was happy
4 days since I felt alive
4 days since he left me
For good.

I rolled on my side
The leaves outside were falling
Fall was his favorite season
The changing leaves
The cool breeze
The chance to see me again

I started crying
I missed that first day of school
I missed his touch
I missed the way he would whisper in my ears
I missed his kisses on my forehead
I missed his tranquility
I missed the way he could calm me
I missed those stupid jokes that he would tell
I missed everything we did together
I missed his whole person

I decided to take a walk
Doctor had told me to rest
But I never was good at listening

I headed outside
Walking down the hallway reminded me
Reminded me of that first day of school
I saw him there and started walking to him
He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me
“Hey beautiful.” He told me stroking my hair
“Hey you. Miss me?”
“You know I did.”
“Well I dreamt of you every night.”
“And I you.” He kissed me again

I hated that my parents took me away
That summer I wanted to be with him
I wanted to be wrapped in his arms
I wanted to feel safe
I wanted to feel happy
I wanted to see his face light up when he saw me
I wanted to have two months without school
I wanted two months just to be with him
I wanted us to be left alone
I wanted him more than anything

Florida and relatives didn’t excite me
I was missing him the two months
I wanted to call him
My parents wouldn’t allow me to
Once a week, I would call him at night
I got caught three weeks in
When I got back I loved him
Loved him even more than when I left
He was so great

I stopped walking and ended up outside
I sat down at a bench
I got up again
I didn’t want to sit
I didn’t want to take it easy
He taught me to be strong
Even when I didn’t feel like it
He taught me to be great
I loved him even more

I ventured over to a tree
I rested against the tree in the shade
I looked at my broken arm
I filled with anger just looking at it
I threw it against the trunk
It sent pain through me
But I wanted pain right now
It wasn’t fair

I got a broken arm
He had to lose his life
He was just driving me home
I was drunk and called him
Then that idiot hit him
He was alive before I blacked out
He was dead when I woke up

Why did I get to live?
He was better than me
He deserved to live
He should not have died

Then the leaves started to rustle
They formed a circle around me
I wondered what was going on
Then they spun faster and faster
It made a whirring sound

In front of me
They made a cylinder
When the leaves disperesed
I saw him and rushed to him
Leaves were spinning vigorously around me
I didn’t care
I only cared about him right now

We hugged and then he talked
“Why are you doing this Rachel?”
“I miss you Dean. Why did you leave me?”
“It was my time to go.”
“Bull. You never believed in that crap.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. I just want to be with you!”
“I can’t let you do that.”
“Oh yeah.” I picked up a rock. “Try and stop me.”
“Okay, okay. You win.”
“Thank you.”
“Just take my hands. I promise it’ll be okay.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll take you with me. It’ll be painless.
It may just get a little loud because of the leaves.”
The leaves were getting louder
But I had forgotten about them until now
I took his hands

The leaves spun harder, faster, and got tighter
“Stay close to me.” I heard him say
I pressed myself against his body
It felt so good to be back there
The leaves started to lift us in the air
It was like we were in our own little ball

After a while, the leaves left,
We were somewhere new
I looked around
Meadows, flowers, the sound of running water
It seemed so peaceful
“Where are we?”
“I’m not sure you’d believe me.”
“Try me.”
“It’s not heaven.”
“Oh, well. . . just tell me."
“We are going to become angels.”

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