I woke up this morning
Among the clouds
I couldn’t breath
My chest constricting
Like I was on the bottom of the ocean
A thousand tons of water pushing me
Down
Down
Except I was not at the bottom of the ocean
I was in the air
City spread before me
The whole world spread before me
I was an angel of God
And
My body was in agony
All I saw was white then
The inside of a cloud
And while being surrounded by tiny droplets of water
May sound poetic
It wasn’t
All I saw was white
Not the white of Angels
No
The white of chemical gas just before you fade
The white of that sheet right before it became saturated
With her blood
The white of the dress his baby sister was buried in
The white of those pills she swallowed
Just before she slept forever
I saw the white of a thousand souls
Before my eyes
I saw the irony of pain
And the consequences of love
I saw the history of mankind
Along with the history of every single living thing
This world has ever held.
That is what I saw this morning
When I woke up in the clouds
And what agony it was
To be an Angel of God
With my hands still full
Of earth
Then the white fell to my feet
As I rose above it
But breath didn’t come
While rising above it
Might sound poetic
It wasn’t
While the air rushed around me
Tendrils of hair flying around my face
The wind teasing me
Breath didn't come
My body repelled the air
As though it was
That gas
That blood
That baby
Those pills
Because even though
The bright sun
Beat down on my the back of my neck
My cheeks my nose
I felt no warmth
Inside
I was part of the sky
But I couldn't breath
Because
Maybe we weren't
Meant
To
fly