"She" | Teen Ink

"She"

March 6, 2013
By SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel


Who, oh who “She” is
Quite absurd to understand
Some say no good trying, 'tis
Won’t know, where your feet land.


A zillion in one:
An impeccant child, by life beguiled
A sister with whom to have fun!
The wife, the mother, undefiled.

Her heart loves, her hands caress
Those she reveres and adores,
The one she prays for, God bless.
And her devotion only ever soars.

Yet when it comes to protect friend from foe
More fierce and fiery than the torrid flares,
Such rigor you would never know,
And to ignite that rage no one dares.

Duty, sacrifice, fidelity and honor,
Awesome adjectives to use, innumerous
Find her in a devilish temper, you’re a goner!
Even so may ROFL, at her jokes humorous

God created her, not from man’s crown
To be dominant and complacent,
Nor from his feet to be tramped down
But from under his limb, to walk adjacent

Her many hues and colors fused
May oftentimes leave you confused
Don’t fret, someday, get to know her, you will
Tho’ it’s been years and she doesn't know herself still…


(8th March, 2013, International Women's Day)


The author's comments:
I wrote this one for the International Women's Day, to recite in the morning assembly at school. Though I know that it ain't good enough to use as a tribute yet I wrote it ...and it's my bit in saying how wonderful all you women are! I hope you like it. DO comment please...
DEDICATED TO ALL YA BEAUTIFUL LADIES OUT THERE! LOVE YA LOADS!! Mwah! xoxoxox

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This article has 16 comments.


on Apr. 8 2013 at 1:31 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Oh WOW i'm glad you like it but I must say it is quite irrhythmic ..no?   .... I'm just BLOWN AWAY  by the fact that you like my work this much.. WOW Thanks so much for reading this..

on Apr. 7 2013 at 1:05 pm
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

you write powerfully, with  appreciable descriptions, and I, being a feminist as well, have to totally thank you for this piece, which is really good. The way you merge ROFLing and 'an impecant child by life beguiled' is mindblowing. I wish to get some of writing aspects as well as you have gotten them!

on Mar. 29 2013 at 10:40 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

It did help a lot!!  I guess by this experience that I'm definitely not the kind of person who can write a good piece when they're half-heartedly putting it together... I guess nobody can LOL, maybe some brilliant people who are just too awesome at it... I really appreciate the fact that you took all the time to into such depth as to explain each line like this... It's amazing,,.. I'm thinking if I ever need anything well-critiqued, I shall definitely ask you to do it for me.,,, A lot of it sure does sound confusing huh and I completely agree with the awkwardness of the lengths of the lines..    Thank You ever so much dear!! This means a lot to me. :)

on Mar. 28 2013 at 10:17 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

The length of lines is really awkward all through out. It may seem arbitrary, but they have dramatic affects. (Short/short lines=choppy, hurried, simplistic. Long/long lines (done well)=high flown, majestic. Long/short= stout and strudy, a declaration!!! ....and a billion combinations (short/long, short/shot/long, ect) that I havent mentioned.) Well, the lengths of the lines are all over the place even as the additude stayed the same. It felt wrong. I didnt really get the last line of yor first stanza, perhaps because it was a run on line with the word 'tis, which I dont think you used properly. The second stanza.... okay.... dont know. When I saw it I imidiately did what I do with an awkward stanza, I reaganged the lines in my mind to see if their were other orders I could place them in and still have them makes sense. I found two. Perhaps threason is that it starts strong, and ends a little weak. Usually, I come up with an Idea of where a stanza is going before writing it, that way it is the beginning that must bend to reach the end, not the end bending toward the beginning. It seems far more sensical to bend and touch your toes rather than kicking yourself in the face. ROFL seemed out of place and I wasnt sure how you wanted me to pronounce it, either way you did it would introduce an absurd amount of syllables. It also had this unstylistic feel to it. Your poem was mostly dramatic, but that was more suited to a sarcastic or humorous poem. Having it sort of dimminished the poem, like thinking something is truly grand, then having the magnifying glass removed. In the second to last stanza you started out fairly oddly. The first line was hard to understand, maybe "[for] man's crown"? Implying that she wasnt just a jewel or decoration....? Iight rework the whole stanza. Maybe something like: "God did not make her for man's crown, Subservant and complacent, Nor unworthy, trampled down But equal and adjacent." Though I still dont like that word, adjacent. It sounds mechanical, which is also the reason I removed the talk of under his limb ect, dispite the fact that I love, love, LOVE the image of a man with his arm protectivly about a woman, or a woman wraping the arm of a stumbling man about her shoulders and lifting him up. I've always been charmed by the image, but that was too technical sounding, not at all poetic! Also, "dominant", you probably meant the man, s you would have to say "he dominant, she complacent" if you chose to keep that. That is whay I swaped it with "subservant", because I didnt want to bother differentiating, i just said two two things God did not make her to be. Hope this helps! Perhaps I did misinterperate your thoughts.... If I can find time, I will take a look at the other work of yours, perhaps I will get a better idea of your opinion from that :)

on Mar. 27 2013 at 4:45 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Obviously!! I want to hear your technical thoughts!! And NOWAY that is so cool! I mean that's why we put this stuff up here, to learn other people's views about it...I know this isn't my best,,,ANd HEy,, no I think you got the meaning a bit incorrectly or mabe I conveyed it incorrectly..... Anyway I totally agree with you on that! The first four or five lines that you wrot eabout what you think..I think that too. I mean I'm not really saing they're the same,, Duh! That wouldn't even make any sense just that discrimintion, bad discrimination that is,,..you get what I mean by that right? ....It's sometimes so severe that it sends women into inferiority complexes and no way are they actually inferior in any way...but of course it is our differences that make us be able to live together, work together, love eachother,be ourselves and yet not degradde the other...That's what I wanted to say,,,... But you know now I come to think of it I didn't really write this one with my heart in it,,, I wrote another one with all my heart in it,, Though you may disagree with stuff I wrote,,, I wrote fiercly,, Hey and if you read it, before you read it, I didn't mean to generalize anything it was just one person's story and some people are like that not all (who discriminate that is) and it was for those few, the jibes and all....I titled it "What She's Worth"        

on Mar. 26 2013 at 4:30 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Well, you're not supposed to put your actual picture up, so I chose one from google that looked like me :)

on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:18 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

Hmm... its okay, I guess. I liked the subject, athough I think our opinions are differant. I tend to believe that men and women are equal, but different. Men are more naturally potectors and providors, women are more natirally the helpmate and caregiver. Any man caught saying "oh, i think a MAN makes a better primary caregiver in general...." would never finnish the sentance because he would be hit with a combination of socks and slaps from both sexes. Men are an outer wall, women are castle guards defending the interior of the family... now I just blathering at random! Tolerate me, please. Do you want to hear my.. uh... technical break down of it? You have skill, and I can see that, but I hate pointing out the things that need improvment to people I disagree with, they tend to think I'm picking on them. I give you a 2/5, but I have given high ratings to poems I dont agree with (....as if that could soften the blow...? Sorry.) But I really wanna see you do well. Tell me if you wanna hear my technical thoughts.

on Mar. 26 2013 at 5:47 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Read up! "What she's worth" :DD.... HEy you changed your picture..Whose is it? Isn't it weird how avatars photos on TeenInk are mostly so blurred..

on Mar. 24 2013 at 11:40 am
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

You're welcome xD

on Mar. 24 2013 at 11:32 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Which ones again? Sorry :P

on Mar. 23 2013 at 11:38 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Hey, it's on the website!! Plus too more poems if you have time :P

on Mar. 23 2013 at 11:37 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Thank You! Love ya so much for reading it! Thank You again! <3 <3

on Mar. 21 2013 at 3:54 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

I really liked it!  Good job!!! xD

on Mar. 12 2013 at 9:26 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

No problem :)

on Mar. 11 2013 at 11:02 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

I didn't like this one that much myself as it wasn't that heartfelt,....I'm happy that you liked it but I think you'll like "What she's Worth" for REAL, that one was heartfelt and full of feeling... :D Thanks for reading :))))

on Mar. 11 2013 at 9:53 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Hi! I didn't understand all of it, but liked it:) The message was good, and I liked the 2nd to last paragraph especially. Nice job! 5/5