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Unraveled MAG

January 20, 2013
By AmyLeigh GOLD, Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
More by this author
AmyLeigh GOLD, Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;One thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.&rdquo;<br /> - Sigmund Freud

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This sand is speckled
With shards of broken glass, you warned
As I dragged my feet along the shore
And laughed at your concern
I'd offer you my heart
My soul!
If you would care to take them

You see this fragile skin of mine?
My pulse running swiftly beneath a flimsy barrier?
Ah – but if I could give it all to you
To offer you the very bones that stack up tall
To unravel myself
From the edge of my forehead
Down to my heels
If I could reach within and pull out
The very fibers of my thoughts
The fragmented systems
And lost causes

For I would offer you my heart, my soul, and more
If you would care to take them

© Michelle W., Ada, MI

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 8 comments.

Jade.I.Am ELITE said...
on Feb. 2 2013 at 12:15 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

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Haha, when I saw "broken glass" I thought, oh here we go again, but then it got awesome, so don't worry. But for some reason poets are always obsessed with broken glass... Hmm. I don't believe I've passed that right of passage yet;)
AmyLeigh GOLD said...
on Jan. 30 2013 at 9:56 am
AmyLeigh GOLD, Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;One thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.&rdquo;<br /> - Sigmund Freud

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ok thanks!
Saintz-Flam3Rose PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 30 2013 at 9:18 am
Saintz-Flam3Rose PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
26 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not follow those who follow others for they are only followers themselves.

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This is really nice and the words used were extreme and caught my attention but i agree with rollingstone about the begining
TheCapturedBat GOLD said...
on Jan. 29 2013 at 7:40 pm
TheCapturedBat GOLD, Belen, New Mexico
12 articles 0 photos 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. <br /> -- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

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Absolutely captivating! This poem is lovely and magical and full of feeling!
AmyLeigh GOLD said...
on Jan. 28 2013 at 6:51 pm
AmyLeigh GOLD, Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;One thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.&rdquo;<br /> - Sigmund Freud

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thanks for the feedback! ok so i'm definitely going to modify the beginning a little.
Soccer23 GOLD said...
on Jan. 27 2013 at 7:19 pm
Soccer23 GOLD, Rockton, Illinois
11 articles 11 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. <br /> Lao Tzu

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I would change the begining a bit so you capture the readers interest but other then that i loved it
AmyLeigh GOLD said...
on Jan. 27 2013 at 11:13 am
AmyLeigh GOLD, Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;One thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.&rdquo;<br /> - Sigmund Freud

View profile
thank you so much! i really appreciate this. so you think the first stanza needs a little work to really capture the reader's attention? and obviously i won't use your exact ideas but do you have any thoughts of how it can be more interesting in the first few lines?
Rolledthestone SILVER said...
on Jan. 27 2013 at 10:52 am
Rolledthestone SILVER, Nowhere, Other
8 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother&rsquo;s eye.&quot; (Matthew 7:5) and &quot;All the poeple who supported slavery were free, all the people who support abortion live...&quot;

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I really liked this. At first when you opened with broken glass I thought it was going to be lame and unoriginal but I'm impressed, it was great. Might want to change the beginning a bit to capture readers but other than that, 5/5!