If I had been born with hair,
Instead of being bald,
People may not have thought that my sister and I
Were girl-boy twins.

If I hadn’t kept asking for one inch shorter,
Then my sister wouldn’t have said
that I looked like Gene Simmons in my high school yearbook photo.

If I had realized that my dad was joking
When I asked him how much money to request
For my government internship application,
Then I would’ve requested no money,
instead of $400,000.

If I had been smarter,
Then I wouldn’t have danced the robot across the stage
With ginormous, teased hair in a Girl Scout lip sync contest.

If my mom would’ve let me play the saxophone,
Then my sister wouldn’t tease me
that I’m a violist in “dork-estra.”

If I had not been born,
I would never have had the chance to
Mess up miserably,
Making these terribly,
wonderful mistakes.

Life would’ve been a elegant waltz
Instead of a hip hop routine,
A banana instead of a vibrant kiwi,
And a Keds gym shoe instead
Of Zebra printed high stops.