How does affection work?
I never understood how you could love
Be loved
...
I never understood the promise
The vow
Why?
I never could grasp
Why one
So strong
Could feel so weak
How one
So powerful
Could feel like ash
Could become ash
I never understood death
Death isn't taught
It’s one of those things that
One day sneaks up on you
...
Maybe you don't necessarily witness it for yourself
Or maybe it doesn't happen to you
Though in due time it will . . .
But you will hear some1 pass
And you will grasp
Your chest
Then your neck
And say
She is gone
He is gone
...
And then you will sit
Just simply reminiscing the good times
Coincide with the bad
Because that person wasn't that great to you anyways

That person was just a person
Nothing more

Thoughts change to hate
And hate turns to regret
And your biggest hate is that you didn’t love enough

Love turns to obsession
Obsession turns to rage
And that leads to not only glass plates breaking against walls
But shattered pieces of a heart you forgot you had

Regressing down to a state of lost
And to sense is something you could never afford On your on accord you can hoard and gorge all that you explored and endured But honestly Thinking on it Not only sweat is released from my pores But its a door And so much more

Because out of these holes
Releasing my soul that I once had
I see myself in this lonely state
Stuck in this manic depression
Horrid regression
Massive condition
Of hate
Quilt
And desire

Eyes bulge out of my heads
When I see your name
Or
Hear your voice
When
I see your face
Or even a footprint on a floor
I assume
Maybe
She was there
...
That might be you

Whispers when I see the clouds
Floating still
Voices in my head
Repeating the same words
Like a broken record
Or like a toddler begging
Please
Please
Please
A shadow gets on his knees
And I look towards the wall that's behind me To see It is me .......
Lord have mercy
On a man with no soul
Or hope
Nor goal

Mercy there is not towards a god that takes soul
Always a burden for certain
Towards man with such powers
For he will always have to endure pain as he must give Cause he must choice to take as he must let live

Confusion and illusion lies in the brain of a mental poet As he takes notes on a thought he has or two on an event that happens tomorrow ago Staying a float on a lifeboat Staying a float On that last note Staying sane on the thought I am sane But in my brain I am not....
Myself has depicted myself as a fiction
When staring at pictures
And me in the mirror
Myself has depicted myself as a genius
But ignorance keeps it
Myself as a bigot
Biased towards hatred
And hatred relations
My mental has shown me an underworld in the basement Logic with Jason Talks with a mason
Simply amazing concepts but evaded Walking back home to a dreaded in casement
Locked in a room filled with hate and disgracement

Write rhyme schemes to belittle you in
I try to lie to you
You consider me friend
Let's go backwards again
Depression and the anger feeds
Blackness and the mental breeds
Demons all inside of me
.......
But
When the time comes
When I finally open my eyes
See through lies
Like a had a pair of x-ray glasses in my back pocket I can then decipher what is real again What I want to do And what I need to do And then it would be perfect as I try to fill a sieve with sand
Only using my hands
Trying to block the holes in them