You say you're new, so let me tell you what you did right specifically;

You kept up first person, and with first person, you used vocabulary and metaphorical imagery that can only be done in a first person format to create your character. For example, you open with a metaphor, and the reader assumes it's action. That's where you twist it up, and tell the reader straight out, in the same cold dark voice that described the metaphor, that what they thought was action was the character's interpretation of action, which can only be done in first person.

The best thing here is that unlike so many other poets I've seen, you keep up your attitude, it doesn't change to apply the sarcasm some teens think makes their characters more "real", but instead makes the reading an awkward dialouge. Your sarcasm is just as cold and dark as your theme, and perfect.

Your voice is consuming, I hear the character, and know who it is that's speaking, and everything that happened to them. You're not too vague to be frustrating, you're not too descriptive; you are at that powerful medium.

You have great first person usage. That is your most powerful strength, keep using it. Your purpose is obvious, your story is good, and your character is not only real, but interesting. Your metaphors are perfect, your vocabulary usage and twists are perfect, your poem, is perfect to me, and I think of myself as VERY critical.

Excellent job.