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Broken
November 24, 2011
I close my eyes
Slip into another life
The pain and hurt is gone
I create my paradise
Everything I thought I knew
Was just a web of lies
Your illusion did succeed
You pulled the wool over my eyes
Breaking down, falling to pieces
But you refuse to do the one thing
That will cease the pain
And fix my shattered world
When you look back,
I hope you understand
That who I am is completely
Your heart-breaking mistake’s fault
Maybe in time, I will forgive you
But what you set in motion
Will be too late to fix
You broke each other, and you broke me too.
© Hannah S., Avondale, AZ
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 12 2012 at 5:18 pm
Overall, I really like it. My one suggestion is to change the line "your heart-breaking mistake's fault". Compared to the rest of the poem it's a bit of a mouth full.
Kiki_McGee GOLD said...
on Feb. 9 2012 at 11:34 pm
Other than being a little rough in places, this is very good. I find that the best poems occur when you just grab on and run with it.
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 24 2012 at 4:59 pm
I love this. I really do. I like the metaphors and imagery....my favorite lines are "you pulled the wool over my eyes." and "You broke each other, and you broke me too." love it =) 5/5
LifesIllusion BRONZE said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 3:53 pm
This piece flows effortlessly also but its a different type of effortless. The way you write the words makes me think that she finally gave up. Sad but touching. 5/5 stars
poetic.eyes PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 3 2011 at 12:04 pm
This get's me thinking. Great rough draft!
