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Magic of the Fall MAG
Glued erect; memorized
A tranquil gaze of this world within a world.
The boy's shrill laughter flooded my ears, as he swam across the ground.
And my heart stopped in the sweetness of climax
when his feet left the earth,
his golden hair
swaying to the mercy of the wind.
His feet touched first
Then his legs and knees, until his body dipped into the mound of faded hue
And then he vanished,
Swallowed by the withered brass of
sweltered life.
And there I stood
As the sun slipped beneath the horizon and stars gripped the skies
and I waited
until the silhouette of a man
emerged from the swollen pile
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This article has 10 comments.
OneofThem is right, the word choice is impeccable. When I was reading it honestly felt that every word was a piece that fit into a puzzle and (yahh) every piece fit! Every word felt like it was contemplated and thought about, nothing was misplaced. Your poem also reflected your author's comment, which I read after the poem, but yahh I understood the poem before I read your comment. GReat job!
As you can see I really liked his poem;)
It would be great if you could critique some of my stuff, I'm in need of what you did so perfectly, making every word count and important. Thanks and Write on!
This is a beautiful poem. I love your comments about the article, you clearly put a lot of thought into what you were doing. I rated this 5 out of 5! :)
Oh, by the way, I'm somewhat of a poet....not as good as you, but I do have a couple poems in. Maybe you could check out my work and leave some feedback? I really need to hear what others think. Thanks :)
