Could I ever just disintegrate?

Feel complete demolishment

Burst from my seem and finish myself off

Eradicate myself from this life, that feeling of being crushed

Sever myself from this house? From this family? The mere fragments of my happiness soiled.



The verbal aggression I receive and the scares I get when encountering my mush older cousin, his hand on my leg, his wandering eyes, the suggestive glances, am I being paranoid? Or is it all as real as it seems, all so shaky…


My house is close to unbearable, hard to tolerate sometimes, the yelling, the harsh pressure, the tension, the only place I am ever truly scared, I swear they don’t care about how I feel, about my life…


Then there are these rare occasions, zoning out completely, feeling of weightlessness, but bricks piling down on me at the same time. The things I see, I never mention to anyone, the harshness, severity, and horridness of the gruesome scenes…


Vicious but desperate self-mutilation, scarlet rivers, blood streaked grounds, the distant scream of the unlucky survivors, and the intense silence of those who achieved.






Too much to take it