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Rock Bottom

August 6, 2011
By JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
More by this author
JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." -Eleanor Roosevelt

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You tear me down.
I hit the ground.
Crumpled and broken,
With words left unspoken.
My feelings were bottled,
But you've hit the throttle.
They shoot up to you--
Sadness dyes my soul blue.
Did you even catch them?
Did you even care?
Were they just another thing
You let my shoulders bear?
Tears, return, repeat;
Forever the same beat,
In this game we played.
Too weak to go...
I stayed.

© Lyra T. Orondo, WA

The author's comments:
When people tell you they're the best thing that ever happened to you, but they really treat you like dirt... let them know they're really your rock bottom.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 18 comments.

WrittenEmotions PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 16 2012 at 6:27 pm
WrittenEmotions PLATINUM, Fairhope, Alabama
32 articles 0 photos 209 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only people who don't get anywhere are the people who don't dream of a better place for themselves...

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Whoa... Explains a similiar situation with me... I love this!
just-a-joy GOLD said...
on Sep. 15 2011 at 4:41 pm
just-a-joy GOLD, Indianapolis, Indiana
12 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
Eminem: Success is my only option, failure's not

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beautiful if you can read some of my stuff an tell me what you think
A_____ said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 7:45 am
A_____, Columbus, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 133 comments
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Wow, that was very nice!  I liked the line about dying your soul blue and the rhyming was really concise and poignant. Great job!
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 12:32 am
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM, Cleburne, Texas
33 articles 0 photos 19 comments

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"You never really know your friends from your enemies until the ice breaks. "- Eskimo

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Its really good it doesn't need to be changed.in my opinion:)
PhoenixCrossing GOLD said...
on Aug. 21 2011 at 9:49 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 178 comments
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This is really good as well! I love how it rhymed and also how it changed rhyme scheme. The only thing is that maybe it'd be easier on the eye and the mind if you changed stanza when you changed rhyme scheme!
Hazel-daisy GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 8:36 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck

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Hope, Love, breathe <3 - Me

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i really like this too! it flows really well, and i love the word choice..:)
PaigeStreet PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 6:04 pm
PaigeStreet PLATINUM, Juneau, Alaska
47 articles 0 photos 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stay golden"
- Johnny (The Outsiders, S. E. Hinton)

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I'm glad to see you kept the last three lines- they're my favorite!
BetweenWorks SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 5:12 pm
BetweenWorks SILVER, Charlotte, North Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
The meaning of life is a question that you have already answered.

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Wow it flows almost like a song. Good job
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 6:04 pm
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD, Kissimmee, Florida
16 articles 0 photos 98 comments
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well done! i like the flow of your words. brava
WishfulDoer GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 5:24 pm
WishfulDoer GOLD, Portland, Oregon
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Favorite Quote:
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I looove this poem! again, this hits home...Keep writing!
hworld123 SILVER said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 5:13 pm
hworld123 SILVER, Boston, Massachusetts
9 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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I think that your use of periods was too frequent... it feels dramatic at parts (which I like), but mostly it hurts the flow of the piece. The end sounds a little weird to me for some reason... Overall, I liked it though. 
Kev-Girl SILVER said...
on Aug. 16 2011 at 3:42 pm
Kev-Girl SILVER, Plymouth, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 86 comments

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hey good job on this! i realy like the meaning behind the story!
megsloveslions GOLD said...
on Aug. 16 2011 at 1:35 pm
megsloveslions GOLD, Thomasville, Pennsylvania
11 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live like there's no tommorow

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Really good, nice use of imagery and rhyming.
cheryl0424 said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 6:05 am
cheryl0424, West Covina, California
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"— John Keating

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Good tone. I liked a lot of your word choice. Also, I liked the "dying the soul blue" imagery. Very nice. 
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 9:56 pm
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND, Venetia, Pennsylvania
72 articles 232 photos 251 comments

Favorite Quote:
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I can realate, good poem :)
Regs_the_Shorty GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 7:40 pm
Regs_the_Shorty GOLD, Frankfort, Illinois
13 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are people who finish what they start and.....

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I thought it was good and I saw nothing wrong with it. Great job :)
JoPepper PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 3:31 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

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"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

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I really liked this good job I liked the "My feelings were bottled, but you've hit the throttle"  Good job keep writing!!!! :D
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 12:12 am
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

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‎"I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world." - Beyoncé

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The only problen you have, I think, is your use of punctuation marks. Anyway, I hate it too when people treat me in contradiction to what they tell me I am to them. >:'>