If only she had known | Teen Ink

If only she had known

August 1, 2011
By marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular


If only she had known

If only my little sister knew how tragic it would be without those floaties

If only she had known

We would walk and talk together

If only she had known

The big pool isn’t that cool without those floaties

If only she had known

I would be able to swim and play in the water without haunting memories

If only she had known

The big hole in my back yard is now a big hole of misery

If only she had known

I would be able to brush her hair and paint her nails

If only she had known

I wouldn’t have to stare at a cement stone with her name engraved in it

If only she had known

Her floaties wouldn't look so dumb

If only she had known

I would still have my little sister by my side



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 14 comments.


on Aug. 22 2012 at 5:26 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

I took the idea of this happening to my little sister(eventhough that sounds really bad) and i took the feelings i had when one of my friends died and i put it together. When i am very upset, im numb.

on Jun. 18 2012 at 12:04 am
I can appreciate repetition in the way that i feel is accents and strengthens the phrase being repeated, but i dont like the way the narrator focuses on the floaties when it was not the floaties that caused her sister to not survive. It was her own sister's attitude. I feel the focus was not completely solid. Also, assuming this is a fictitious event as you have not commented otherwise (which is absolutely fine, you are entitled to artistic interpretation and creative liscence), i believe the emotion of the piece was downplayed. The narrator sounds numb, in contrast to the vivid memories they possess. It's a great idea, but i feel these aspects were neglected.

Anon357293 said...
on Jun. 17 2012 at 11:48 pm
I know this girl in real life, this tragic event never took place. Her younger sister is still alive.

on Oct. 14 2011 at 9:04 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

the point of the repetition is the effect that i keep questionging myself what coulb have been different if she had known what it would be like. i am trying to tell more of a story, like what is going through someones mind. Repetition...

on Oct. 7 2011 at 10:03 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~<br /> ~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~<br /> ~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than<br /> a distant memory.~

It's got great emotion put into it , but the repetition is way overdone.

on Sep. 6 2011 at 5:20 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

thanks i will take you critiziams into consederation. thank you!

.Izzy. BRONZE said...
on Sep. 4 2011 at 3:17 pm
.Izzy. BRONZE, Broadview Heights, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 388 comments
This is so sad :( I love the repetition, but be sure not to overdo it. This is so heartfelt, and I can really feel for the narrator. Good job!

on Aug. 13 2011 at 1:48 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

thanks so much!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:12 pm
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
&lrm;&quot;I&rsquo;m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don&rsquo;t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world.&quot; - Beyonc&eacute;

I'm sorry for whomever this event happened. This is a good poem with emotion. I kinda like the repetition of the first line :)

on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:01 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

thaniks guys for posting comments! i appreciate it but i think it is neccessary to say that this didnt happen to me almost but it didnt happen just came to my mind of something to write about. Usually that is what my poems are about, things that a really bad but dont actually happen to me.

lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 9:11 pm
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you don&#039;t stand for something you&#039;ll fall for anything.&quot;- Suckerpunch<br /> &quot;The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself.&quot;- Lucy Hale

I agree. Everyone has something bad happen to them but the real show of character is how they deal with it. Some take it on their self and think they're a bad person and it's all their fault. I'm glad you wrote about it instead...(=

on Aug. 2 2011 at 7:09 pm
ohmakemeover BRONZE, Centerville, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells the truth.&quot;- Margaret Atwood

Oh my God, I'm so sorry that this tragic event has happened to you.  I'm glad you can take creativity from tragedy.  This is a really heartfelt poem.

on Aug. 2 2011 at 5:03 pm
toriroxsoutloud BRONZE, Welsey Chapel, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments
I really like this (: can you check out mine?

on Aug. 2 2011 at 3:00 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

Please comment!! I want to know what everyone thinks thanks!