Dance Till You Die | Teen Ink

Dance Till You Die

June 5, 2011
By Branden Navedo SILVER, Oklahoma, Maryland
Branden Navedo SILVER, Oklahoma, Maryland
5 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Within my head, I felt the movements,
Of music dancing to itself,
Twirling, twirling, twirling, ‘till
I felt no pinch of health.

Within my mind, I heard the call,
Of birds struggling for breath.
Calling, calling, calling, ‘till
I heard the slice of death.

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This article has 2 comments.

Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2012 at 4:37 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I enjoyed this. I like how it doesn't have an obvious point, although that's not likely to make it popular on the site (teens generally seem to so . . . quick? . . . that they only seem to write poetry for the sake of conveying a message--very rarely do I see poems simply to express the beauty of the words).

A few criticisms: I'm not sure what a "pinch of health" is.

And there is a hiccup in the second line of stanza 2 (birds) that is jarring . . . I guess that calls more attention to struggling.

Good Job!

on Jul. 28 2011 at 7:12 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

I loved how you described everything in this poem. It seems kind of eery.