It just happens
comes out of nowhere
like a professional assassin
out to get your soul
destroy your life
at all costs

Some think it’s all in your head
your own imagination
an attention-grabber
but it’s not
it’s a physical pain
and it screws with your head

You can feel your brain buzzing around
Or being dangerously silent
Rarely ever in between
Sometimes you’re so emotional
And your blood is freaking out
You think you’ll burst one day

Your eyes wide open
still
they want to close but can’t
why can’t you just relax?
have a good day
without stress

Your aching eyes never close
they just want a break
from your crazy world
where you can trust no one
with your secrets
or your feelings

You feel tired
annoyed
angry
sad
hopeless
stupidly hopeful

You act slowly
sadly
unwillingly
cautiously
painfully
stupidly hopeful
You look dark
emaciated
haunted
sleepy
pathetic
stupidly hopeful

No friends
talking
food
homework
fun
humanity

Just sleeping
reading
lying
thinking
doodling
nothing

You want to die
cry
laugh
curse
yell
scream

You almost pull your hair out
slash you wrists
run away
throw up
stay in bed
go crazy

You secretly want love
someone to care
kids
to be beautiful
to be outgoing
lots of friends

You wonder if friends know
if family knows
if anyone would help
what people think of you
if it’s all in your in head
if anything can ever help

You don’t know what to say
how to ask for help
if you want help
how to deal with your life
if you want people to know
how long you’ll last

You need someone to love you
care for you
talk to you
listen to you
want you
need you

You’re afraid of attention
new things
perceptions of you
someone taking an interest
someone not taking an interest
living

You can’t function
cry
hold yourself together
be rational
focus on anything
live

You try to feel good
be positive
become a different person
but you fail
you’re sucked back in
into blue darkness

You want to find your way out
but you’re too familiar with this place
where you can live without worry
of what people think
what’s going to happen
how you’ll feel
You hope to get better
feel happy
look refreshed
be a normal teen
want to smile
live without effort

But you feel guilty
for wanting to change
trying to control your life
realizing realty
forgetting your past
redefining yourself

You do have little periods of joy
when you’re looking forward to the future
excited to live
wanting to socialize
attain more experiences
but it doesn’t last

You’re overly excited
too fragile to hold on to it
you let little things bother you
a comment or a look
someone who’s unhappy
someone ruining your mood

You get so angry at yourself
why can’t you just get better?
hold yourself together?
be strong?
why are you so ridiculous?
can’t you just be normal?

You’re mix of emotions is so unbelievable
you just keep navigating around your problems
hoping to let this miraculously get better
too lazy to help yourself
until you realize you have to change yourself
you’re hopeless