I'm in pain again. | Teen Ink

I'm in pain again.

July 27, 2010
By jenicex DIAMOND, Passaic, New Jersey
jenicex DIAMOND, Passaic, New Jersey
50 articles 8 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stay beautiful. Keep it ugly." <3

I’m in pain again.
And I don't feel like the world is over this time. But I do feel like I should just stop trying. I don't feel like putting up with anyone today. But I do feel like I need a good scream in to my pillow.
I don't feel like I've broken open, but I do feel like I'm broken -- the pieces just aren't that tiny. In fact, they're not even tiny at all.
You should all be proud of me; every last one of you -- in the entire universe. Because three months ago, I'd be somewhere, hiding my face so no one could see any of the tears. I'd be so miserable, and every one would notice. But not today.
I'm a 'changed man' today. I will not cry. I will not be visibly miserable... maybe. And I will not hide. Because I am strong, and I can take this. Do not doubt me; for once day, I will show you.
My chest hurts so much. It's like an aching-burning-ripping-out feeling is being harbored in my heart. Someone, again, found the key -- or maybe I was so vulnerable that they just kicked it open. And I let them in. I LET IT HAPPEN.
But the blame is much too far from me to be on me. Although it hurts to admit defeat, I will, well, take it in. I have lost to her about three or four times before, and I can assure you that soon enough, I will be fine.
Heartbreak can heal, but it all takes time. I'm sure almost everyone goes through it, right? Whatever; I'm not 'almost everyone' else, am I?
My stomach is in twists and turns and butterflies -- dead -- in to knots. I don't exactly remember how to ease this awkward pain. And my head and mind are all over the place -- I know that I did not deserve this.

The music stops playing; someone shot the DJ. The
dancers fall down, one by one. There's one girl left alive;
she's crying in the corner; finger to the trigger on her head
with the gun.
I’m in pain again. But soon enough, I will be fine. Heartache can heal, but it all takes time. My stomach is in twists and turns and the butterflies are dead. But it’s all in my head.

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