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Time slows for you MAG
Every time you walk by
time slows, do you see
the dandelion fluffs
that are carried on the breeze
move like time is a great
expanse of never-ending
plains
when i look into
the deep pools of water
that are your eyes
i can feel the wind cease
and when your voice
sings over the air
the water that normally
laps around my ankles
like morning light over the mountains
flows lethargically in
a moment of slowed time
and when you whisper
your silent song into
my ears
and eyes
the sharp tongue which normally
leaps like a fish inside my mouth
is unresponsive
and my words are all muddled
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This article has 5 comments.
WARNING: I'm severely honest.
Kind of hard to read. There was little flow to it. I had to read it again to fully hear the song inside of it. And your similes and metaphors were a little distracting from the point of the poem. The fish in her mouth was a little bizarre. I could see though what you were trying to portray, and I think with some patching up this could be great.
