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One Step MAG
January 21, 2010
This dream
of mine
It's so
defined
As if it's painted on my hand
a map of uncharted lands …
But the
first step
It's what
has kept
Me away
© Ama L., Mississauga, ON, Canada
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This article has 10 comments.
Midnight_Hum SILVER said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 10:47 am
This is very good. Haha! This is kinda random, me viewing this, but I was rereading the comments on one of the articles of mine and saw yours. So I decided to check this out. I love how you give a sense of inner thoughts with this piece as well as a consideration for the future. The poem is somewhat whimsical and nostalgic but ultimately hopeful. I loved it. (Incidentally, this will probably be my last comment ever on Teen Ink)
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 23 2010 at 9:46 am
Thank you!!!
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 22 2010 at 11:11 pm
Thanks!
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 5 2010 at 4:35 am
Thanks for the great feedback! Over rhyming is a pet peeve for me too, but that doesn't mean I don't fall into its trap once and a while... I'm glad you liked the poem!
NorthernWriter said...
on Jun. 4 2010 at 12:10 pm
so true! your poem is very universal, everyone can relate to it whether they want to climb a mountain or go across the monkey bars for the first time. the way you break up the lines is relaxing and lets me read it correctly and the rhyme is subtle and it doesn't get in the way. i don't like overly-rhyming poems (i think they sound kind of pathetic if they're not good if ya know what i mean) good job and keep writing!
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 10:27 pm
Thank you! :D
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