Autumn Leaves | Teen Ink

Autumn Leaves

November 27, 2009
By Born_to_fly GOLD, Peoria, Arizona
Born_to_fly GOLD, Peoria, Arizona
11 articles 4 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I disaprove of what you say, but i will defend to the death your right to say it." ~Voltaire

Autumn comes and brings a breeze
To blow down all the autumn leaves
To dance until they touch the Ground and you try to catch them
In your hand as they fall
Upon you one by one and making
You an autumn tree.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Sep. 4 2010 at 9:47 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

I agree, it sounded like you were trying to do near-rhyme in the beginning 2 lines, but then lost the rhythm of the poem. Plus you have "Ground" randomly capitalized in the middle of a line; it looks like a typo (?). I like the image of leaves falling on you until you look like an autumn tree; I just think you should develop it more.

on Feb. 17 2010 at 10:20 am
PenWizard1 BRONZE, Sunnyside, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Always strive for perfection."

It starts off alright, but then you lose what your trying to say, and or get across to the reader. I think the best thing you can do is add more lines, by doing this, you'll get your idea across. Keep up the great work, maybe you'll be the next Robert Frost.

on Feb. 16 2010 at 9:29 am
AngelForeverBleedingLove DIAMOND, Frederic, Wisconsin
65 articles 3 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
You say you don't remember,
But I will never forget

Okay I like the idea, but the format isn't so good. Poetry kinda has this flow to it, and you had it at the beginning, but you started to lose it near the end. Keep trying!