It hit me like a bus

So abrupt 

So destructive 

Unexpected 

My heart dropped 

As my questions gathered 

Pulling it down 

Sickness filled my body 

My head and stomach 

Tossed 

In a stormy voyage 

I drowned myself in my own tears 

Suffocated myself in my pillow 

I bellowed as my mother held me 

I was so filled with hurt 

At the same time 

So empty 

I ripped at my chest 

Trying to escape 

My heart had to be comforted 

But 

I could not reach it 

I could not reach it 

Get it off of my body 

To wash it off 

All that I wanted 

I let the water burn my skin 

So I could feel something else

Could feel something I understood 

I wanted out 

Out of my head 

Out of my skin 

Out of my pain

I scrubbed until my body was pink 

Until my scalp ached 

Trying to no longer feel him 

Looking in the mirror 

shivering 

Broken 

Eyes bloodshot and glowing 

Alive, stuck in this state of sorrow 

But hey

He loved my eyes 

and they are oh so pretty 

when I cry