Your mother loves you, she loves you very much

And I am a bad human because I wish she did not

I want her to hate me but that makes me sad so

That's not really true, I want my mother to love me 

Your mother loves you, she loves you more than you could ever imagine

But my imagination is so very extensive, farther than hers I know for sure

And I understand that she loves me but then again I am lying

She is a terrible liar and I can see right through her shattered heart

But I am a child and I just want to curl into a ball and feel my mother brush my hair

I want to lay my head on her shoulder and watch movies on the couch 

Or play chutes and ladders or monopoly 

But not with her fiance or my brother though I would be grateful for it no matter what 

I am just a kid without a lick of knowledge or understanding 

So I should be grateful to have a mom because I already do not have a father

But when I did, he was better than my mom was he not? 

He played chutes and ladders with me, and taught me how to ride a bike, and treated me like a princess

I was his everything and I threw him away

I stomped on him until his teeth fell out and his hair turned gray

And I just realized that rhymed and I like rhymes, because they don’t change 

Unlike the moment my brother was born

Or the moment my father got him and I in that car accident

Or when my mother met Spencer and I meant little to her 

How ungratefully selfish I am, a brat and a horrible child 

I had not been beaten or grounded

My mother still says the words I love you 

She hugs and trust me and sometimes even says she is sorry

And she makes me lunch and pays for my coffee

So I am a leech and a troll and a filthy, rabid rat

I am no better than a hairless, sly fox or a fuzzy bear 

I am a beast and unworthy of my mothers love 

Or even my fathers at this point 

Just stay innocent and don’t worry about it

Why does it matter, you have no right to be upset

I don’t understand how to help you, you make me and your brother sad 

If you killed yourself I would kill myself

And what do I say to that? Because I do not get angry to the point of lashing out

I have yelled at my mother less than the fingers I have on my left hand

And yet I am furious

I want to dig a hole through my wall and through my mind through it 

I want to barry my heart deep within the sink and watch as it clogs the plumping

I just want to be dead and not worry about blood love

But I love blood and the words it whispers, you are alive my child and I see you

And she never said that before 

But oh I know I would break, like a chocolate bar 

I see you

I want to understand you 

I want to spend time with you

I am proud of you

Not a lie in sight because she would have had to say that in the first place 

But I am asking too much and I should be grateful I have a roof over my head 

and other adult figures that love me 

And I should be grateful, not a spoiled brat, because my mother is so lenient 

But oh my stars

Why do I always go back to that stupid sink 

And why, why does my dumb brain go back to putting down the words

Your mother loves you, she loves you very much