laying there, staring at the ceiling

staring blankly

hearing the muffled hum of conversation

but having made it that day

she doesn’t want to make it tomorrow 

looking at one of the highest suicide rates

wondering

will one person really make a world of difference?

to not feel this way you have to get private care

she can’t afford

ambiguity persists over the possibility that it is just a wave

a wave of not wanting to be here

or maybe it was not just a wave

maybe her life was supposed to end at the hands of her own

working hard to improve mental health and tackle addiction

mentally drained

dissociating from who and what you are supposed to be

she is fighting to survive