My name is xxxxx

But i like being called mani

it's not really my name but

I liked hearing the way it sounded coming from her mouth

so i started calling myself this instead

How special my name sounded

when her mouth closes first

how her tongue hit the top of her mouth

then the back of her teeth

To form me.

I liked the way I felt-

like I knew who I wanted to be around her

But now

I am a girl curling in onto myself

I don’t know who i am when i’m with other people

But I like that I don’t have to know who i am with them

I like that it didn’t matter what my name was

They didn’t ask where i came from

Or how i got here

Not that i would know

I called myself theirs

And said I was just a girl in a place

My mother left me with a name

But then a girl stole it

Its lodged in the back of her throat and I can’t get it back

I am theirs now

And I let them drown me in smoke

My name doesn’t matter

I am just a girl

none of this feels good anymore

I only like the way it feels when I’m asleep

drowned in smoke and fire

I don’t have to want to know who I am

What I am

Or where I came from

I drown in my sleep- all ash and ember

and I hope I never wake up

And what is perception really

Because even underwater I can still hear her saying my name

Mani

Mani

Mani, wake up.