dear mr. bully,

i heard your favorite place 

in the whole school was

under the slide,

where you’d beat up

the skinny dorks

and leave them

their faces bloody and bruised

on the ground

to be found by another

innocent creature 

in the school. 

i bet you thought 

no one would ever

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard that your favorite food

was little timmy’s sandwiches

which you’d peel both breads off of

and smush them into

all your victim’s faces

juice the peanut butter

onto the lips of the nut allergy table

squeeze the blueberry jam

in the eyes of the little boys

that would follow you around

trying to help you

though you just used 

as slaves. 

i bet you thought

no one would ever

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard that your favorite subject

was health class

because you would have

a whole. entire. hour.

to talk about 

inappropriate body parts

in front of the teacher

and not get in trouble for it. 

you’d yell them

smush them in the expressions

of your aghast classmates

and when the principal called you

to her office, 

you’d say

‘miss, it was health class’

and you’d be dismissed.

i bet you thought

no one would ever

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard that you liked anna

in the 7th grade

but she ditched you 

on your first date

for a wimp named

jeffery

that you hated

and beat up after school

everyday

until he spit out that

he would never

go out with anna

ever

again.

i bet you thought

no one would ever

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard that in high school

you gave that one kid,

you remember his name?

matthew,

a wedgie. 

you remember him now?

he cried for two days straight

wouldn’t stop complaining 

about how much it hurt.

and after he came back to school

you took him from the

underwear again

and hung him

inside his own locker

and locked him inside.

i bet you thought

no one would ever 

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard that you put yourself

on the vote list

for prom king. 

and i heard

that you won.

but not out of respect

out of fear.

i hope you enjoy living your life

like a mini donald trump. 

you know what else i heard?

i heard

you got some of your goons

to hack the whole vote system

which made you gain

at least 200 more votes. 

i bet you thought

no one would ever

find out. 

dear mr. bully,

i heard you graduated. 

and that you’re going to harvard.

i also heard

that you’re a good guy now. 

but when i visited you

you punched your best friend

in the face.

are you that much better?

and did you really think that

no one

would ever

find out?

dear mr. bully,

i’m just writing to let you know

little timmy opened up his own restaurant;

jeffery married anna;

and matthew

well, poor matthew

he became a billionaire

inventing and selling

a new kind of underwear

which he called

wedgie-free.

i hope you’re happy, mr. bully.

you were mean to these people

and now they’re better than you.

hope you're happy. 

because

we 

all

eventually

find

out.