Losing him was harder than breathing underwater 

Because every time I remember, 

My chest feels pulverized 

Like I got the wind knocked out of me 

But finding him was as easy as 

Closing my eyes

For he was always in my dreams

Missing him was harder than 

Remembering the name 

Of someone you met once 

When you were small 

Everything looks familiar, 

But I can't place it, 

I can't trace it 

Back to anyone

But seeing him was as easy as looking around at his things

I still haven't removed 

Thinking of him was harder than 

Trying to stop a fire 

With a constant source of gasoline 

And you only have one bucket of water

Because it was impossible not to succumb 

And it managed to burn me every time

In a different way

But feeling him was as easy as 

Breathing 

For I sensed his ghost everywhere I went

Loving him was easier and harder than anything 

I ever did 

And anything 

I'll ever do

Because it came onto me so gradually

And tore me to pieces when it left 

Leaving me full

Of emptiness 

Wishing I’d never loved anyone in the first place