A conversation: 

Dad, it's a dark day. A day where everything is hard. 

“What do you mean?” he says. 

It's a day I don’t want to get out of bed. 

“Oh toughen up.” 

My demons are running around my mind loose. They are ruthless. They make the simplest tasks impossible. 

“What demons?” 

The demons that cause havoc on my mind and body. The same demons that leave me so tired from fighting them the night before. 

“Just tell them to go away.” 

If only it were that simple. These demons torture me and bring so much pain. They cause the tears to stream down my face. The same beasts that put me down. 

“Oh well just don’t listen to them.” 

If only it were that simple, you can ignore them and try to tune them out. But it's impossible, they will make their presence known. They start out small like a headache, eventually getting louder and louder until that's all I can think about. 

“If you have a headache then take some Tylenol.” 

It's not that kind of headache. It's a headache that doesn’t go away. A headache that becomes my melody that no one hears. No one knows the pain this causes me. No one cares, not even you. 

“Then just turn the music off.” 

I can’t dad! This music is an endless suffocating loop. It continues for days, weeks, even months at a time! I just want it to stop. But it doesn’t. 

My father asks me “Why are you wasting the food I make you?” 

Oh I’m sorry my mind convinces me that I’m not worthy of food. 

“There are people starving all over the world. Don’t be ungrateful and eat.” 

Dad! Do you think I feel grateful to be constantly at war with my mind? 

Do you think I enjoy staring at myself and all I can see are my imperfections? 

Do you think I like contemplating taking my life? 

Do you think I enjoy this constant war I find myself fighting? 

I’m already fighting one war, I don’t want to fight another one with you. 

I’m done explaining my depression to you, my father.