If I could be a different person, I would.
I would choose to be “normal.”
I would choose to have guy friends and be “one of the boys.”
I would choose to have a deeper voice and be more masculine.
I would choose for my only worry in life is worrying about whether I’m gonna win the football game.
Or if that cute girl would give me her number.
But that's not the case.
It's actually the complete opposite.
Being Bisexual is feeling like you are playing a game of tug a war.
But you are the rope.
Being torn between the sides of either being “normal” (straight) or different (gay).
Yet there is no such thing as normal, but in my mind there is.
But there are some things that have become a normal thing to me after coming out.
Guys don’t want to be friends with you out of fear that you will end up liking them.
Or that if you look at them for too long that they will assume you are checking them out, but guys can “flirt'' with one another as a joke and it's no big deal.
Or in gym class changing in the locker room is stressful.
I try to keep my eyes glued to the floor so I don’t look at anyone.
I don’t want someone to think I was looking and then get beat up for it.
These are things that straight guys would never have to worry about.
They would never have to worry about being denied healthcare based on their sexuality.
But these are all issues that come after coming out.
So let's talk about the ones that came before.
I would have people tell me on a daily basis that I was gay.
They meant it.
I would have people say “you should just come out already.”
I would stare at myself in the mirror and try to figure out what was wrong with me.
I knew deep down it was true, I just wasn’t ready to deal with it yet.
But every time someone said something, that reminded me of.
These things I’ve had to deal with for the past year and beyond.
They have shaped who I am and who I will become.
I hope one day I will want to be me.
But until then, I still want to be a different person.