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happiness is an illusion
July 17, 2022
some days i float amongst the stars, shining brighter than any of them.
i am loved. i am tranquil. i am happy.
i sit with the man on the moon and we talk until our hearts combust.
as i am here i realize i am home.
other days a blinding light starts to breach the horizon and i hear a whisper,
"your happiness is an illusion."
withing seconds the moon, the stars, and the galaxy disappear.
and i am
falling,
falling,
falling.
i am hated. i am lost. i am empty.
i sit with my beasts and they whisper horrid antics in my ear.
as i am here i realize i will never be home.
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i have untreated bpd and it is the most draining, horrible thing to live with. i have been so depressed that i couldn't leave my bed and pissed everywhere and ive been so manic that i felt like a completely new person who could never feel another bad feeling ever. this poem represents how i feel when transitioning from a manic episode to a depressive episode.