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sunrise recovery
i think getting better
would be like the sunrise
only this night has lasted fifteen years.
i think the sun might hurt--
might sting my eyes and burn my skin
after all this time.
i am afraid of the sunrise,
afraid of getting better.
i have become used to seeing in the dark.
the sun is rising now,
but i think i will close my eyes a little longer.
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I have struggled with my mental healh for a while, and eventually entered an intensive outpatient program. Getting healthier is scary because for so long all you know is your mental illness; it feels safer, almost like a part of you. I wrote this when I realized I had to make the conscious choice to get better, and part of me didn't know if I wanted to.