Hate, stupidity, ignorance, loathing

These all lead to violence

The violence that has me on lockdown for who knows how long

It has me not knowing whether or not we’re are going to survive this

Or if my friends or brothers or sisters are going to survive this

Because we are locked in a room

Suddenly I don’t know who’s blood is who’s

And we’re screaming pushing, past people to get to the door

Because I don’t know if that’s my blood or her’s

Then I see someone on the floor

Is it my blood or his?

We are pushed into the bathroom

My hands are wrapped around someone’s arm trying to stop the bleeding

Or is it my blood or her’s?

But now I realize: it’s all my fault

I let them all fly past me, but now I know I was wrong.

You were reaching out to me in your time of uncertainty and sorrow,

While all I cared about was me and what was mine,

And as I watch you pack your bags with tears streaming down my cheeks,

 Though it seems the trials that we face have no end

Words said to hurt,

With thoughts made to kill

Being sorry can be very hard when we're overwhelmed with pride,

But sometimes our pride must take a fall before we lose out.

And when we have to say sorry, we should mean it from our soul.

A meaningless sorry is like a broken promise to the heart.

And it only hurts more in the end, bringing bitter resentment,

And leading to the loss of a love that should be eternal.

Bringing us back down to earth from the fairy tale world of our mind,

With a pain that is maddening, physical and sometimes critical.

My heart is weeping tears of blood for the pain that I've caused you,

And it's crying out my apologies to your mind,

Pleading for your forgiveness for my unfortunate outbursts.

I never meant in a million years to be so unkind.

I have made mistakes in the past but never as serious as this,

And I know I will only have myself to blame if you leave,

And that scares me more than I've ever been scared in my life,

For you're my true motivation, the only real thing in which I believe.

Everything else is just a fantasy to my egotistical ideals.

It's always been me, me, me for far too long,

And lately, I haven't given even a passing thought to your concerns.

And all that's left for me to do is say sorry in a sincere way,

With an apology that comes from deep inside my soul.

It's all I have left to offer for your love and your loyalty.

It's just a pity that my own loyalty I couldn't hold.

Now all I have left of you are the memories of the goodness I have lost,

And that loss brings a sadness every time I think of your name.

And my heart yearns to be able to turn back the hands of time,

To correct the mistakes I've made and start again.

So please take time to think about what I've said, as it comes from the heart

Take time and try to forgive me of my failure to deliver,

And if you can't, then cast me out of your life never to return,

And I will hang my head in shame...forever.

In time,

Things come

Things go

With love,

Leaves fall

Leaves grow

The morals of life,

Have no beginning

The only way to express

a pain that I feel

Just let it go…

Wiping away the tears, as memories flood into view.

Through the haze, I glance at parts of me you never knew.

Lost in the fog of doubt and constant regret, 

For thirteen years hid the real us from when we first met.

Imprisoned in this place because of mistakes long since made,

Blindly leading us down this path to us both feeling betrayed.

Gathering up the pieces of our shattered expectations,

Finally clearly seeing what remains in my quest for reconciliation.

Now uncertain of what the future brings,

I'm sorry for hurting you, like the way I do

I'm sorry for the hurtful things I always say to you

We know the fight will never last 

but still the amount they do

I'd like to say I'm sorry for everything I put you through.

It kills me when we fight, and it scares me too

I always make you cry and it kills me when you do

As I write this now, I know this much is true

I love you with all my heart and will always be with you