This is a poem about the illusion of a perfect family

My family to be more specific

See my mother has to make us appear put-together and she does so happily

But then when we’re alone then she scrapes it off like acrylic

All the insults and the laziness is unbearable

Do this do that and you can never refuse

I’m sorry but living this life is terrible

You can’t expect me to be a mom i’m not ready yet
But you don’t care as long as you’re snoring

It may seem a little harsh

But I can’t help but speak the truth.

I never had a good childhood.

That was never something I thought I’d have

I put up with all the pain and all the lies.

I put up with being told that I wasn’t worth it

Or that I was selfish and rude and disrespectful

Even though I was doing a job that I shouldn’t have had to.

I was put through so so much.

I even survived through everything I was put through.

I tried so hard to make her act like she should.

It was never enough.

I wasn’t enough.

All I wanted was for her to be proud of me.

Apparently that wasn’t ever going to happen.

One day she just left me.

One of the worst days of my life by far

I sat and cried.

And then my saving grace came.

My father.

Him and my stepmom saved me.

I’ve never forgotten that day since it happened.

That was the day I lost myself a little bit.

My mother got into a car and made a choice. She chose her other children and her fiancé over me.

She just left like it was the easiest decision she’s ever had to make.

My stepmom is who I call mom. She’s the one who I trust.

She’s more of a mom to me than I’ve ever had

Her and my father are my saving graces.

I appreciate them more than words can even express.

After that day, my mother and I can’t even talk about what happened.

One time we tried and she came over to my dads house.

She told me I was being selfish and ungrateful.

I was being a horrible daughter in her eyes because I wasn’t following her.

Things like that can be very tough.

More difficult.

I started slipping more into depression after that. Every day was pretty much a bad day.

I had more bad than good days.

My anxiety got worse and the abandonment issues became more of a problem.

I don’t trust anybody easily.

I barely let people in because I can’t stand when they leave.

That started showing up more.

I always thought I was fat and I wasn’t beautiful.

I still don’t think I am.

It gets hard to manage some days.

More often than not it can be really hard.

When people ask me about my mom all I can do is lie and say she’s good.

She barely talks to me so I really have no idea.

I haven’t seen her in almost a month.

But now I’m doing better.

I’m getting help for my depression and anxiety.

I’m coping with my abandonment issues.

It does get better.

Eventually.

It’ll take a lot of hard work.

A lot of fixing yourself.

A lot of reflecting and moving on.

Sometimes you have to focus on yourself.

I’m focusing on me.

I’m in a safe, stable environment.

My stepmom and my dad are very supportive and helpful.

They believe in me.

They support me.

I am loved, I am well taken care of, and my feelings matter.

So yes it does get better.

But sometimes it has to rain for a rainbow to become clear.

The storm will clear.

No matter what you’re going through, there is always help.

Sometimes all it takes is a few people to believe in you.

Trust you.

Support you.

I’m losing the weight to make myself feel better about my image.

Not to impress other people.

Show love for yourself.

Accept yourself.

You are amazing and you are brave

Beat the illusion. Make it a reality.