today marks one year. 
one year since i walked down the hallway, deep in fear of what i would face
one year since the day my world came crumbling down around me. 
one year since i have lost myself. 
one year since you have left me here 
to face my troubles on my own. 
i’m alone.

i miss you mom, why’d you go?
why didn’t we have more time?
we hadn’t talked since december, 
so it had already felt like this relationship was over. 
but then i got the call that said, 
“mom’s dying and she’s not gonna make it,”
and i wanted to curl up in a hole.

i hated myself. 
i hated you
for doing this to me.
i couldn’t understand. 
i left school to see you. 
you couldn’t even talk or open your eyes.
i started to f***ing cry
why was this happening to me?

my sister and i held your cold hands, 
praying we could somehow squeeze life back into them.

the doctor came in and said it was time,
he had to turn off life support.
he had to pull the plug on the only thing keeping you alive. 
the only thing keeping you here with me,
giving you and i extra moments.

i wanted to stop him, 
but i didn’t want to leave your side.

slowly the machines keeping you alive 
started beeping,
your blood pressure was dropping. 
and as the minutes passed, 
i watched you take your last breath. 
my tears hit your hands 
and my heart split in two.

today marks one year. 
it’s been one year that i haven’t stopped missing you.