You try every trick in the book

to perfect yourself

and every inconsistent aspect of your life.

If it’s not perfect,

then you’re not worth it.

Change every part of you

as if it is being recorded

at every moment

and hold your breath

until told to breathe

because one wrong move

and your life is down the drain.

You wake up earlier than you have to,

to make sure you look decent

for all those people

you don’t even talk to,

just to make sure you fit in.

You leave 10 minutes early

just to make sure you get to school on time

because you know today is the day

there is going to be traffic on that road you take,

that nobody drives on.

It’s not enough.

When you get home,

you go for a run to burn off the calories

of that cookie you treated yourself to at lunch.

You can’t get fat.

You talk to your doctor

about getting on sleeping pills

because you can’t help but lie awake at night

as the demons of the night creep in,

screaming at you every little mistake you made.

You have to try harder.

You smile,

not because you are happy,

but because you hate being told,

“You need to smile more”.

You’re kind to the rude people

yelling at you,

screaming at you,

because they have no common sense.

Every night is spent working

just to make ends meet.

You know you’re going to end up in debt,

but you keep saying not yet.

On your rare free nights,

you attempt at making plans with the friends

who have clearly forgotten about you

so you can call it a social life.

Still not perfect.

You try it all,

but it will never be enough

to keep you stable

because you will forever feel

the weight on your shoulders

as you shatter to the ground,

yet you still crawl out of bed

every single morning

until one day

you won’t.