When I’m awake, it’s hard to feel like I’m alive.

When I’m awake, and my brain works to keep my body working--which I hardly care about--it’s hard to feel like I’m awake.

To feel like I should be moving and should be doing--I just don’t feel it.

I just don’t feel like I’m awake.

Drifting-

That’s what it feels like.

Going through the motions because it’s what I should do, not what I want to.

As if I’m eternally sighing and my mind is pausing as it continues to move the things it has to move.

My head down- my ears open- my mind blank: drifting--that’s all I’m doing.

Wait-

What if I’m NOT awake?

What if I’m still asleep?

Are my dreams holding me in their arms and not letting me go?

Do they want me to sleep--and sleep--and never open my eyes to life?

No-

I refuse.

I will force my heart to kickstart and make my limbs move and my lungs breathe faster.

Jump up, get my feet on the ground and bolt--vault over the troubles and keep going.

I’m awake now.

You can’t stop me-

I’m running.

My eyes are open.

My grin is bared.

I won’t sleep anymore.

I’m awake.